Weekly News via Email
   Set as homepage | Add to favorites | Customer Service | Subscribe Now | Place an Ad | Contact Us | Sitemap Friday, 01.19.2018
News Archive
Su Mo Tu We Th Fr Sa
 1  2  3
 4  5  6  7  8  9  10
 11  12  13  14  15  16  17
 18  19  20  21  22  23  24
 25  26  27  28  29  30  31
Online Extras
Site Services
Around Bend
Outdoor Fun
Travel Info
Shop Local

Members Of

Poll: Today's Live Poll
Email to a friend | Print this | PDF version | Comments (0 posted) 
  Blogger |   del.icio.us |   digg |   newsvine

Mar 09,2007
Senior Advice: Even if it's not the time to move, now's the time to decide
by Doug Mayberry

Q: My 63-year-old husband died of a heart attack two years ago. We've always lived in the same city where we were born. Soon after we married, we bought a large, two-story home and raised three wonderful children in it. Now, my children, who live in various parts of the country, are strongly encouraging me to sell out and move near one of them. I can't decide whether I want to do so, as I have many friends, my doctors and my church near. My health is reasonably good, but I have had to give up driving and am a little wobbly. Is it time to make a move?

A: Are you prepared to take a positive attitude should you elect to move? Do you believe moving near members of your family would be the right thing to do? If so, which family would be the most appropriate? Who has the time and willingness to become your primary caretaker? Would one family be easier to live with than the other two? Are there grandchildren who would be great company?

Do you have the energy, capability and reasons to live with a family member? Perhaps it's time to move to a community near a family member, where you can be active and find new friends. Would the sale of your home give you the opportunity and money to continue to live alone?

Only you can answer these questions. There will be trade-offs regardless of whether you elect to move now or later. Usually your families are the ones who will be the most responsible caretakers, should you need them.

Now is the time to make your decision. It is easier to make plans and move forward while you are in reasonable health and anticipating you may need help in the future. Moving forward now and establishing a new lifestyle while it's easier, and having family support, is a better option should an emergency occur.

Q: My husband retired a few months ago, and I believe our marriage is going downhill. We have been married for 36 years, and over the years, of course, have had our ups and downs. None of these disagreements were serious enough for us to consider divorce. However, we are not getting along well now. My husband is extremely restless and he is angry about almost everything I do. What are my options?

A: First, tell him you have made a complete physical appointment for him. This may become a wake-up call for him. His attitude may be a health issue worrying him, and he is taking his anger out on the person he loves the most, you! There may also be psychological reasons why he has changed. Men have a difficult time giving up their work routine, office bonding and learning to live with their partners 24 hours a day. Some experts believe spending too much time together can expose major differences and tensions after a major lifestyle change such as retirement. Some partners don't realistically anticipate how different their lives will be in retirement.

Honest and open communication between the two of you is now extremely important. At an appropriate time, ask him to sit with you at the kitchen table to talk about your relationship. Your routine probably hasn't changed nearly as much as his has. Tell him you sense he is unhappy. Ask him specifically about his feelings. Then share yours. If he says he doesn't want to talk about it, your next step is to write him a letter and tell him about your concerns.

Ask him to respond in writing why he is so unhappy. Don't lay a guilt trip on him or yourself. You both need to get your feelings out on the table before you can resolve your differences.

Anticipating retirement changes is helpful, but he may have not done so. He may even believe changing partners would solve his problem, which would be unlikely. Your long-term commitment is worth the effort to continue it. Try to make your marriage work before considering anything else. Remember, you married each other because of who your partner was, not for what you wanted them to be.

Doug Mayberry lives in a retirement community in Southern California. Send your questions to him at deardoug@msn.com or write to him at P.O. Box 2649, Carlsbad, CA 92018.

© Copley News Service
2652 times read

Related news

Senior Advice: Marriage works when partners do by Doug_Mayberry posted on Feb 08,2008

Senior Advice: New house is no place like home by Doug_Mayberry posted on Jan 25,2008

Senior Advice: Ta-da! To do list will reduce moving to-do by Doug_Mayberry posted on Mar 23,2007

Did you enjoy this article? Rating: 5.00Rating: 5.00Rating: 5.00Rating: 5.00Rating: 5.00 (total 7 votes)

Market Information
Breaking News
Most Popular
Most Commented
Featured Columnist
Horoscope Guide
Aquarius Aquarius Libra Libra
Aries Aries Pisces Pisces
Cancer Cancer Sagittarius Sagittarius
Capricorn Capricorn Scorpio Scorpio
Gemini Gemini Taurus Taurus
Leo Leo Virgo Virgo
Local Attractions
Bend Visitors & Convention Bureau
Bend Visitors & Convention Bureau

Mt. Bachelor Resort
Mt. Bachelor Resort

Les Schwab Ampitheater
Les Schwab Ampitheater

Deschutes County Fairgrounds
Deschutes County

Tower Theatre
Tower Theatre

The High Desert Museum


Deschutes County

  Web    BendWeekly.com
© 2006 Bend Weekly News
A .Com Endeavors, Inc. Company.
All Rights Reserved. Terms under
which this service is provided to you.
Please read our Privacy Policy. Contact us.
Bend Weekly News & Event Guide Online
   Save the Net
External sites open in new window,
not endorsed by BendWeekly.com
Subscribe in NewsGator Online
Add to Google Add to MSN Add to My AOL
What are RSS headlines?