Weekly News via Email
   Set as homepage | Add to favorites | Customer Service | Subscribe Now | Place an Ad | Contact Us | Sitemap Tuesday, 09.02.2014
Classifieds
News Archive
Su Mo Tu We Th Fr Sa
 1  2  3  4  5  6  7
 8  9  10  11  12  13  14
 15  16  17  18  19  20  21
 22  23  24  25  26  27  28
 29  30
Online Extras
Site Services
Around Bend
Outdoor Fun
Travel Info
Shop Local




Members Of



Poll: Today's Live Poll
Email to a friend | Print this | PDF version | Comments (0 posted) 
  Blogger |   del.icio.us |   digg |   newsvine

Apr 13,2007
Senior Advice: Spendthrift should save some time for counseling
by Doug Mayberry

Q: Our only grandson is getting married in August. We love his fiancee, and the only fault we see which concerns us is her spending habits. Her parents divorced when she was 6, and her mother struggled financially. Our grandson recognizes she is a spendthrift when she has told him she owes her credit card companies $4,200.

Is there any advice they might accept?

A: She sounds like a lady who realizes her debt is an important obstacle, which the couple needs to face. To help make their marriage a success, recommend they make appointments with both experienced credit and religious advisers to discuss their future - before they marry. Suggest, as a premarital gift, that you would like to pay for the counseling they choose.

A strong marriage is not built around secrets, but about open sharing and communication of individual needs. Not only finances, but religion, family, in-laws, inter-family relationships, health, sex and careers are important issues to discuss.

A counselor brings up questions for evaluation, which will make their partnership less stressful. Hopefully, they will also find the best way to resolve her debt prior to marriage. The key is learning how to budget and prioritize expenditures.

Successful marriages are based on both partners committing on a daily basis to love and support each other. Life is a series of events and frequently unexpected ones arise which require a solution that involves compromise. Marriage involves two people with differing ideas on child rearing, money management, careers, fidelity, trustworthiness, health, responsibility, communication and decision-making. There are numerous books such as "Don't You Dare Get Married Until You Read This" by Corey Donaldson and others written by compassionate religious and senior authors, which are good resources.

Couples will learn they will seldom agree 100 percent on their ideas, but the acceptance of up to 75 percent of them is a win-win marriage. A full and truthful open discussion of their past and expectations now will help avoid unpleasant surprises.

Q: Our widowed dad is 78 and fairly well-to-do financially. He owns a home, drives an expensive car and owns a five-unit apartment house. I am his only daughter, but have a brother who has a long-term history of chronic illness. When I visit our dad I ask him if he has his financial and estate plans ready for me should something happen to him. He laughs and simply says: "Haven't I always been ready?" Recently in chatting with one of his tenants, I learned she pays $350 a month rent, and after questioning a local real estate rental agency the owner smiled because when he said most units rent for $700. Learning this leads me to believe dad is not managing his assets well.

If I need to take care of my brother I will need all the help and support I can get. How can I get him to reveal his goals and plans when something happens to him?

A: It's difficult. Many parents elect not to share their financial asset information with their children because of the fear of your taking control away from them. Your father knows your brother will need help, and you will be responsible. He may well have a will and trust which will be effective. On your next visit simply explain to him you are frustrated and concerned how you will be able to manage your brother. He should understand how important it is for you to become knowledgeable and prepared to assume responsibility for your brother. This is a reasonable request for you to make of your father.

After learning of his plans schedule an appointment with his attorney, doctor, attorney and accountant to prepare yourself for taking care of your brother. Switching from being the child to become the parent is challenging, but now is the time for you to become the parent!

Doug Mayberry lives in a retirement community in Southern California. Send your questions to him at deardoug@msn.com or write to him at P.O. Box 2649, Carlsbad, CA 92018.

2331 times read

Related news

Senior Advice: More than 1 way to observe Father's Day by Doug_Mayberry posted on May 18,2007

Senior Advice: Marriage works when partners do by Doug_Mayberry posted on Feb 08,2008



Did you enjoy this article? Rating: 5.00Rating: 5.00Rating: 5.00Rating: 5.00Rating: 5.00 (total 23 votes)

Market Information
Breaking News
Most Popular
Most Commented
Featured Columnist
Horoscope Guide
Aquarius Aquarius Libra Libra
Aries Aries Pisces Pisces
Cancer Cancer Sagittarius Sagittarius
Capricorn Capricorn Scorpio Scorpio
Gemini Gemini Taurus Taurus
Leo Leo Virgo Virgo
Local Attractions
Bend Visitors & Convention Bureau
Bend Visitors & Convention Bureau

Mt. Bachelor Resort
Mt. Bachelor Resort

Les Schwab Ampitheater
Les Schwab Ampitheater

Deschutes County Fairgrounds
Deschutes County
Fairgrounds

Tower Theatre
Tower Theatre

The High Desert Museum

Advertisements



Deschutes County

Google  
  Web    BendWeekly.com
© 2006 Bend Weekly News
A .Com Endeavors, Inc. Company.
All Rights Reserved. Terms under
which this service is provided to you.
Please read our Privacy Policy. Contact us.
Bend Weekly News & Event Guide Online
   Save the Net
Advertisement
External sites open in new window,
not endorsed by BendWeekly.com
Subscribe in NewsGator Online
Add to Google Add to MSN Add to My AOL
What are RSS headlines?