Weekly News via Email
   Set as homepage | Add to favorites | Customer Service | Subscribe Now | Place an Ad | Contact Us | Sitemap Sunday, 09.14.2014
Classifieds
News Archive
Su Mo Tu We Th Fr Sa
 1
 2  3  4  5  6  7  8
 9  10  11  12  13  14  15
 16  17  18  19  20  21  22
 23  24  25  26  27  28  29
 30
Online Extras
Site Services
Around Bend
Outdoor Fun
Travel Info
Shop Local




Members Of



Poll: Today's Live Poll
Email to a friend | Print this | PDF version | Comments (0 posted) 
  Blogger |   del.icio.us |   digg |   newsvine

Sep 21,2007
Senior Advice: Flirting friends frustrating
by Doug Mayberry

Q: After my husband of 27 years died, I moved to a retirement community. My husband was ill for several years, and I loved and took care of him. Now, I am facing my own mortality because my health is failing. Two of my widowed friends spend most of their time talking and flirting with the available men in our park. I don't join in, and tell them I am no longer interested in a relationship. They think I am kidding and ignore my point of view and want me to flirt, too. They are fun to be with, but how can I stop their pressure to bring me to their need for a new partner?

A: You can't. Our lives go through many transitions, some by choice, and others are mandated by health, finances or addictions over which we have little control. You are now on a different path.

Your priorities have changed, and you are being challenged by your own needs and do not need complications. Tell your friends how much you enjoy their friendship, but you are quite serious about not wanting to become involved with a new partner. You may able to minimize their chatter somewhat, but that is where their interest lies.

In aging we are not the same person we were at either 18 or 49. Sometimes, because of the loss of a partner, we feel relieved of responsibilities and commitments we made when we were younger. These feelings can cause us to feel guilty about our newfound happiness and relief. We should not feel guilty.

You and your husband were loved, blessed and shared many years together. The point it you had them. Remember them lovingly! Many of us are not given the opportunity.

Q: My husband and I have a new game we enjoy in which we mentally guess how other couples' sex lives compare to ours. As we are in our 70s and still enjoy sexual pleasure, we guess if others are also doing so. Have you learned of other couples playing this game?

A: Yes. It's harmless and entertaining. Of course, second-guessing is just what it is, guessing. However, sometimes we do find out after our guess that we actually learn whether we were right or wrong. Restaurant observing is a great place to begin. As you look around at the tables do you see couples who are talking and are animated? That's a good tip they are still energized and sharing mutual interests.

If the couple doesn't talk or one is reading the paper you can make a different judgment. We guess they are each doing their own thing and probably not sexually involved. Of course we could be wrong because some couples are shy and not comfortable by displaying their affection publicly.

As you watch couples walking together, sometimes with their dog, do they hold hands and touch each other frequently? Do they walk side-by-side or walk in front or back of the other? These indicators are significant, and may indicate they are not sharing their feelings.

In church or in the theater, do you notice couples touching, laughing, hugging and kissing their lover? In social situations, do couples stand or sit together during the party? Is loving animation going on between them or does one partner wander through the crowd alone?

Recently the New England Journal of Medicine, a highly respected professional magazine reported that scientists confirmed in an updated comprehensive survey that older couples have not given up on sex. Of those who were sexually active the previous year 53 percent of those surveyed between the ages of 64 to 75 most said they did it two to three times a month or more. A stunning statistic was that half of those aging from 57 to 75 confirmed they received or gave oral sex. I don't think Dr. Kinsey would be surprised!

Doug Mayberry lives in a retirement community in Southern California. Send your questions to him at deardoug@msn.com or write to him at P.O. Box 2649, Carlsbad, CA 92018.

© Copley News Service
1741 times read

Related news
Senior Advice: This year's resolutions aren't promising by Doug_Mayberry posted on Jan 18,2008

Senior Advice: Fatherhood seems to baffle grandson by Doug_Mayberry posted on Jan 04,2008

Inside People: Keeping the home fires burning by Jane Clifford posted on Mar 02,2007

Senior Advice: Meet, greet - it's sweet by Doug_Mayberry posted on Feb 15,2008

Senior Advice: New house is no place like home by Doug_Mayberry posted on Jan 25,2008

Did you enjoy this article? Rating: 5.00Rating: 5.00Rating: 5.00Rating: 5.00Rating: 5.00 (total 11 votes)

Market Information
Breaking News
Most Popular
Most Commented
Featured Columnist
Horoscope Guide
Aquarius Aquarius Libra Libra
Aries Aries Pisces Pisces
Cancer Cancer Sagittarius Sagittarius
Capricorn Capricorn Scorpio Scorpio
Gemini Gemini Taurus Taurus
Leo Leo Virgo Virgo
Local Attractions
Bend Visitors & Convention Bureau
Bend Visitors & Convention Bureau

Mt. Bachelor Resort
Mt. Bachelor Resort

Les Schwab Ampitheater
Les Schwab Ampitheater

Deschutes County Fairgrounds
Deschutes County
Fairgrounds

Tower Theatre
Tower Theatre

The High Desert Museum

Advertisements



Deschutes County

Google  
  Web    BendWeekly.com
© 2006 Bend Weekly News
A .Com Endeavors, Inc. Company.
All Rights Reserved. Terms under
which this service is provided to you.
Please read our Privacy Policy. Contact us.
Bend Weekly News & Event Guide Online
   Save the Net
Advertisement
External sites open in new window,
not endorsed by BendWeekly.com
Subscribe in NewsGator Online
Add to Google Add to MSN Add to My AOL
What are RSS headlines?