My wife comes from the Caribbean, where people are—how can I put this gently—nuts. The longer we’re together, the more I believe she brought some nuts with her. People shake their head when I say so, but they haven’t seen her around Formula 409.  I call my wife Howard after Howard Hughes, the genius who grew so obsessed with germs that his butler would buy a stack of newspapers for Howard to extract, with a Kleenex, ... [full story]

Sick of the corporate rat race? Underappreciated? Undercompensated? Are you ready for a real opportunity that will finally pay you what you are worth? Congratulations. You're exactly the kind of sucker that we're looking for. Because I make a small (very small) fortune trading on the pain and frustration of the working stiff, I'm probably the last person on earth who should refuse to pass the gravy boat. Yet, I do feel protective of the ... [full story]

“Let’s go to bingo!” “Um. Okay.”  It had never dawned on me that young people could play bingo. I thought there was an age minimum, a picture of my grandma reading, “You must be this old to enter the building.” I let my wife Yahaira drive since it was her idea. As we pulled into the church parking lot, I wondered how gambling fit into the Scriptures. And I wondered what bingo had to do ... [full story]

You think you're busy? I'm as busy as a truffle pig on a package tour of Tuscany. As busy as a one-armed man trying to cover his ears at a Maroon 5 concert. In fact, I'm so busy being busy that I don't have time to make up jokes about how busy I am. And that's too bad, because if there's one thing we like to brag about it's how busy we are. You know ... [full story]

Ten years ago—I remember clearly—I stood outside the fitting room at Macy’s wearing a new blazer. I turned to get an opinion on the matter and found a witch. I know she was witch because her words haunt me to this day: “Forget the blazer; you should worry about your shoes.”  I didn’t listen to her because, well, I don’t listen to anyone, but her words must have stuck: I have been on a shoe-buying binge ... [full story]

You're a wonderful person, kind reader, and I've really enjoyed our relationship, but if you are expecting any further attention from me, you'd better wise up. Starting today, you're off my radar and out of my life. I'd love to spend more time relating with you, but honestly, you're just no longer worthy of a place in my network. If this seems harsh, let me recommend a few minutes of virtual networking with David Nour, ... [full story]

It's summertime, friends, and you know what that means - time to count up all those vacation days and then not use them. You heard me right. To succeed in business today, you not only have to work hard while you're supposed to be at the office, you also have to work hard when you're supposed to be lapping up the sunshine. If you wonder why anyone in their right mind would rather be drinking ... [full story]

At the supermarket, we face the same dilemma a thousand times: Do I get the healthy version or go for taste? Being skilled in self-deception, I go for taste. “One cheesecake won’t kill me.” Times a thousand.  I arrived at the checkout stand with $200 worth of bad decisions and got in back of the herd. Ralph’s has a policy to open a register only in the event of bodily threats. Standing in line, of ... [full story]

Sleeping is my favorite part of this whole life thing, edging out hot fudge sundaes and foot lickings. I need about eight hours of sleep a day and at least that many at night. Friends calls me Sir Sleepalot.  You can imagine the ringing in my ears, then, when the alarm clock goes off. Due to a tragic series of events resulting in corporate employment, my wife wakes up at six a.m. every day, regardless of when ... [full story]

It's a wonderful world in which we live and work, and if you don't believe it, just use your desktop computer to send a message to your laptop computer commanding it to call your PDA to forward a message to your cell phone. Get the point? We may walk around with pockets and purses laden with electronic gizmos, but when it comes to trying to reach us, no one can touch us. Unfortunately, there's a ... [full story]

Here's a question: are you a flower or a weed? It's important that we answer this botanical query because a new management craze is growing in the rich loam of Mahogany Row. Your bosses are not satisfied with just being masters of the universe. Now they want to be master gardeners as well. The management mania for gardening is the work of Erika Andersen, a "New York-based organizational specialist and executive coach" to firms like ... [full story]

My wife Yahaira and I decided to visit Las Vegas. We hadn’t gone in so long that I forgot how much it hurt the last time. That is always the criterion for going to Vegas. “We’ll only be gone for a day,” said Yahaira. “What could it hurt?” Do you ever get the feeling that some twisted spirit is writing your script?  At midnight, we arrived in the city that never loses. We strolled into the Rio, where ... [full story]

I don't lift my pinky when I drink my morning Red Bull, but that doesn't make me an ill-mannered slob. No, what makes me an ill-mannered slob is coming to the office in my bathrobe, sporting a three-day growth of beard. It's crude, rude, and everybody at work avoids me like the plague. And that, my friend, is etiquette power. For those of you who still cling to the archaic niceties of traditional behavior, there ... [full story]