Weekly News via Email
   Set as homepage | Add to favorites | Customer Service | Subscribe Now | Place an Ad | Contact Us | Sitemap Monday, 02.18.2019
News Archive
Su Mo Tu We Th Fr Sa
 1  2
 3  4  5  6  7  8  9
 10  11  12  13  14  15  16
 17 18 19  20  21  22  23
 24  25  26  27  28
Online Extras
Site Services
Around Bend
Outdoor Fun
Travel Info
Shop Local

Members Of

Poll: Today's Live Poll
Humor Columnists

Sort by:  [Title]  [Author]  [Date] 

Subscribe in NewsGator Online Add to Google Add to My AOL

Apr 27,2007
It's happened again! Just when you thought you had mastered every new technique to screw up your career, technology has stuck out its big fat foot and tripped you up again. Now, you not only have to craft a winning resume on paper and in e-mail, but you also have to provide your potential employer with a sizzling video that will sell you as effectively as Velveeta cheese or Oscar Meyer bologna. Are you ready ... [full story]
2477 times read - No comment posted

Apr 27,2007
I’m a morning person: that’s when I get my best sleep in. I believe that most evils can be cured by 10 hours’ sleep and that alarm clocks should exist only as supplemental punishment for prisoners. You can imagine, then, how warm and fuzzy I felt when the phone began rrrrrringing at 6 a.m. Some fool was alarming me from a remote location. It happened twice, thrice, frice! I staggered to the phone with dreams in my ... [full story]
2357 times read - No comment posted

Apr 20,2007
Everyone is in a hurry. We swallow our food whole and consider the stop sign a suggestion. We don’t have time to say goodbye, we’re late, we’re late, we’re late. Our quality time goes to the computer, where we work till our eyes bleed pixels. The sun is that thing that makes us draw the blinds to keep the glare off the screen.  And that is why I’m so worked up: we must take time to ... [full story]
1864 times read - 1 comments posted

Apr 20,2007
As someone who grew up behind the counter of Syd's Camera Shop in White Plains, N.Y., I can attest to the positive effects of working in a family business. No Ivy League business school could ever provide a manager with a similar sense of how work can affect your life at home. That's because in a family business, work and home are one and the same. The only difference is that at work you get ... [full story]
1885 times read - No comment posted

Apr 13,2007
I live beside a navy base. It occupies a stretch of coast where I would surf if it weren’t for the shooting ranges. That’s the problem with friendly fire—it hurts just like the other kind. The base spreads inland for 16 gazillion miles and is in the way of everything. I pass the barbed wire fences when I’m jogging, when I’m driving, when I’m too drunk to do either…  I’ll tell ya, they’ve got their own little ... [full story]
1692 times read - No comment posted

Apr 13,2007
Wonder why you didn't get that big promotion? Concerned because you haven't received a raise since Britney Spears was hot? Well, guess what - I know the reason. It isn't your dreadful performance or your workplace incompetence or your total inability to reach your annual productivity goals. It's your manners. You're a slob on the job, you yob, and everyone knows it, even your boss. Fortunately, there's help for the manners-challenged. If you don't know ... [full story]
1376 times read - No comment posted

Apr 06,2007
I don’t know how to feel about bums. When I was young, my dad steered me away from them, saying, “I’m sorry, he’s allergic to poverty.” Today I am the primary beggar in my father’s life.  You can see my friction, then: part of me wants to sneeze at the homeless, while another part is haunted by Phil Collins: “Don’t think twice / It’s just another day for you and me in paradise…” Last week I went ... [full story]
1729 times read - No comment posted

Apr 06,2007
Unlike the typical tourist who goes to Florida for the mosquitoes, sand fleas and jellyfish, I'm the sort of weirdo who appreciates the opportunity to bake my brain and broil my belly under the warm tropical sun. Imagine my surprise, then, when I was awakened early one morning on a recent Florida trip to the sound of obscenities and curses - the kind of salty language I had not heard since my last trip around ... [full story]
1751 times read - No comment posted

Mar 30,2007
As someone who lives near the beach, I feel qualified to make the following observation: Seagulls are evil. No, you say. Not seagulls. Yes, seagulls. They dig through your garbage, dump on everything they see, serve only themselves—they are the lawyers of marine vertebrates.  Contrary to myth, seagulls are not friendly. A seagull’s opinion of you is based largely on whether or not you are holding food, which includes but is not limited to bread, ... [full story]
2155 times read - No comment posted

Mar 30,2007
Have you got a secret? I've got a secret. To be more specific, I've got a secret about The Secret, the same secret Secret that you've heard about on Oprah and Larry King.   Bob Goldman has been an advertising executive at a Fortune 500 company in the San Francisco Bay area.  On the off chance that management at your workplace does not give you 60 minutes every afternoon to watch Oprah, let me fill in a ... [full story]
1548 times read - No comment posted

Mar 23,2007
Once upon a Monday I met Mr. Becker, the landscape guy. He arrived while I was cooking lunch, grumpy-hungry. I was prepared to spend money on my flower bed, but it ended up costing something more precious: my time.  “We’ll have to dig up the seasonal flowers before we can add the perennials.” “Fair enough,” I said. “Yup,” he said, looking around. “We’ll have to dig 'em up.” There was an awkward silence followed by ... [full story]
1822 times read - No comment posted

Mar 23,2007
You wouldn't think that my readers would be especially picky, but I recently received a rather snarky e-mail pointing out my inability to correctly spell the word, resume.   Bob Goldman has been an advertising executive at a Fortune 500 company in the San Francisco Bay area.  Apparently, the evil grammarians who lurk among us insist on putting a little eyebrow on each of the two e's in the word, thus differentiating the French inspired re'sume', a ... [full story]
1627 times read - No comment posted

Mar 16,2007
Do you know what SAT stands for? Quick, you have five seconds. Insert Jeopardy music.  That’s right. It doesn’t mean squat! It used to stand for Scholastic Aptitude Test, but then scholars got to arguing over “aptitude” and finally everyone agreed that SAT would stand for Stressed and Anxious Teenagers. Today’s kids have extra reason to stress: The test is newly revamped. The College Board, those wacky inventors of the SAT, have introduced new grammar questions, advanced math, ... [full story]
1795 times read - No comment posted

Market Information
Breaking News
Most Popular
Most Commented
Featured Columnist
Horoscope Guide
Aquarius Aquarius Libra Libra
Aries Aries Pisces Pisces
Cancer Cancer Sagittarius Sagittarius
Capricorn Capricorn Scorpio Scorpio
Gemini Gemini Taurus Taurus
Leo Leo Virgo Virgo
Local Attractions
Bend Visitors & Convention Bureau
Bend Visitors & Convention Bureau

Mt. Bachelor Resort
Mt. Bachelor Resort

Les Schwab Ampitheater
Les Schwab Ampitheater

Deschutes County Fairgrounds
Deschutes County

Tower Theatre
Tower Theatre

The High Desert Museum


Deschutes County

  Web    BendWeekly.com
© 2006 Bend Weekly News
A .Com Endeavors, Inc. Company.
All Rights Reserved. Terms under
which this service is provided to you.
Please read our Privacy Policy. Contact us.
Bend Weekly News & Event Guide Online
   Save the Net
External sites open in new window,
not endorsed by BendWeekly.com
Subscribe in NewsGator Online
Add to Google Add to MSN Add to My AOL
What are RSS headlines?