Lynda Hirsch on Soaps: Gossip
Mar 05,2009 00:00 by Lynda_Hirsch

It is time for another installment of "As Time Warner Doesn't Turn." When last your heroine (me) had a throwdown with Time Warner she decided, as any good soap opera heroine would, to return to the guy (in this case, guys) who had done her wrong. For a while she was treated fairly. Even got a gift card in the mail. Then last week TW could not help itself and reverted to form. Tragedy struck when the dreaded Mongolian Worm (not a phony soap opera ailment but a real-life virus that kills your computer) paid a visit to my computer. Here is a little tip: If you go online and a pop-up says, “You have a computer virus. Click here to get rid of virus,” don't do it. Like a tech version of James Stenbeck, do not believe anything that pop-up says. Trust in this culprit and the end is near for your computer. I click the box thinking that instead of James Stenbeck, I have met super soap hero Jack from "As the World Turns." The computer goes kaboom. I get the computer fixed for a mere $200. Sadly, my Internet is still down. So, lulled into a false sense of trust I call Time Warner, which provides my broadband. A very nice lady tries to talk me through the problem. After a few minutes she decides this will not work. She sends me to her supervisor. We go through the same steps. Surprise — that does not work. The supervisor sends me to Dennis in a far far land. Dennis goes through the same steps as before. Even Dennis' mystical touch does not work miracles. The very affable Dennis, who now calls me by my first name, decides to send me back to my original techie. I wait. I hear a funny sound: the sound of being disconnected. I call back. This time, the folks at Time Warner decide I need a home visit. Great. I always like company, especially the kind that will fix my Internet connection. I was in luck; it was only noon. The scheduling folks said I could expect a visit from the tech between 1-8 p.m. that very day. Of course I know that it really means 8. Just in case, I stay off the phone so as not to miss their call. Suddenly it is 9 p.m. I call Time Warner. "The tech has already been there and fixed the problem," I am told. I live in an average-sized home, like Tad Martin's abode on "All My Children." Unlike Viki at "One Life to Live's" "Llanfair," when someone comes to visit I know they have been there. Unlike AMC’s Wildwind, no one can hide in my house for days, let alone minutes. I now have to wait until the next morning. Yes, the tech lied; he claimed he had been to my place so he could get to his own home early. That admission and a megabit still will not get my Internet working. At 8 a.m. the next day a tech shows up. He walks to the computer. "This is odd," he says, "they could have fixed this from the tech center. He pushes a button and I am back online and back in business.

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Two major soap actors are deciding whether they want to renew with their shows Thorston Kaye (Zach, "All My Children,") has hit a snag. With the character such an integral part of the show, his exit could really hurt the show, which is just climbing back in the ratings race. Over at "General Hospital," Steve Burton (Jason) will be having contract talks in March.

Tuc Watkins (David), who just left "One Life to Live," is slated to return in March. The character of Talia will be exiting the show. Timothy Stickney, who played R.J. for years, returns to OLTL in March.

Copyright 2009 Creators Syndicate Inc.